For some of us, myself included, the path to speaking Te Reo Māori has been a difficult one.

I'll be honest with you - speaking the reo often feels like torture to me. The words get stuck, unable to emerge past my dry throat and hesitant lips, due to an overwhelming sense of fear:

What if I say it wrong?!!

This fear is rooted in a toe-curling moment for me.
It happened the day the Māori teacher at Tongariro High School asked me to "watch the class" for her for 5 minutes.

Mrs Jorgensen (otherwise known as Aunty Bessie because, like several of the teachers at the High School in Turangi in the 1970s, she was indeed my Aunty and many of the students were my cousins - being that I am Ngati Turangitukua on my Dad's side).

Anyway, back to my Te Reo cringe-moment (one of several) on my Reo journey thus far . . .

Within minutes of Aunty Bessie leaving the room, the class filled with the noise of twenty or so restless teenagers.

Which is when responsible Miss goody-two-shoes (me) stepped up to the plate and shouted with all the shout I could muster . . .

HOIHO !!

Hoiho !! ?? 

The room erupted with laughter.

It took me a moment to work out what my class mates thought was so funny!

The difference between hoiho and hoihoi remains a source of painful embarrassment to me to this day, almost 50 years later.

Hence, the kupu get stuck in my throat.

You, or someone you know, may struggle with the same feelings of whakamā as I continue to do when it comes to speaking the reo.

I remind myself that it's ok. Baby steps and self-compassion are part of the learners journey.

As a learner of anything, we don't have to be perfect. It's ok to make mistakes. In fact, making mistakes is one of the most valuable parts of the learning process.

I also wanted to mention that, in the absence of a written language, our art (the designs and patterns) are rich with meaning. They form our visual literature, if you will - another aspect of our 'Reo'.

The lovely thing about Raranga, Taaniko and Whatu Kākahu is that weaving provides a gentle path to Te Reo Māori. The kupu used with weaving have so much relevance and the speaking of them comes comfortably and naturally.

While I may never be as fluent or confident as I'd like speaking Te Reo Māori, I will keep trying to be a better learner and show myself some compassion as I go.

na,
Lillian